My niece is a basket case, but she's a good kid.
She wants to be an actress.
Hmm..
Savannah, Georgia.
Flying won't work.
There's a pet,
and I have a crate full of stuff at my house.
Miami to L.A.
Get an intern, they've gotta be good for something.
No, we need someone boring, predictable,
a real kiss-ass kind of guy.
Hello, Mr. Ragstan, beautiful tie. Latte and...
Can you check yourselves off please?
Hi. How are you doing?
That's it.
"Whereas conduct is expressly declared by law to establish his complicity."
Keep reading, please.
Hey! I need 50 copies of these by tomorrow morning.
Thanks, Mr.Thompson, I can stay late and get this done for you.
I like that tie, I do. You want it collated?
All this work for what, Rick? So that you can end up like that guy?
No Carl. So I can end up like that guy,
and be a partner some day.
Just gotta get my foot in the door first.
Maxwell McAllister, huh?
That's someone you want to pattern your life after?
Eighty hours a week and an ulcer the size of a grapefruit.
Well, see you in the bar book, buddy.
As for me,
I'm out of here. Thundercats is on.
It's only 4:20.
Exactly.
Don't you think it's about time to move on?
Just make a serious effort?
Look, I'm losing you. I'm in the elevator.
Bye.
Thanks.
I just love working here, sir.
Great firm, sir.
Yeah.
And if-if there's anything I can ever do,
anything you need, I'm talking anything, I mean--
I'm moving a few things tomorrow,
I could use an extra hand.
Yeah, I can move. I just-- I take stuff, and I put it--
I'm wondering if I should tell you about my niece.
She's very beautiful.
Means the world to me. I put her through college.
I don't think I know her.
She's a bit of a talker.
And between you and me, she's also a little...wild.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I mean, no, no.
If you touch her, I will break every little bone in your body.
8:00 am sharp, my house.
Keep the handkerchief.
See you tomorrow.
Oh. Oh, can I get my shoe back?
"A truck is waiting at Paradise rentals.
"Pick up my niece in Georgia and take her to this address in L.A.
I expect change."
Inhale, step your foot back to plank pose.
Exhale, chadaranga.
Inhale, pull forward and up. Open the heart center.
Exhale, hips to the sky.
Five deep breaths.
What is it? I'm working out.
Carl, I need a number for McAllister.
I've never even seen the man.
Cell phones are not allowed in class.
My wife just had a miscarriage.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, you should be.
Go do your thing.
Carl, he wants me to move his niece to his house in Los Angeles.
I'm supposed to pick her up in Savannah.
This is going to ruin our entire study plan.
Ooh, Savannah. Georgia. That means that she's a Southerner.
Does she have a nice little accent?
Look, the Bar's in four days. I don't think I can make it. I gotta talk to McAllister.
Rick, this is what you've been dreaming about.
No, it's not.
You bet it is. It's your chance to prove to McAllister
that you've got what it takes to be a part of his team.
You really think so? Yeah, I'm sure of it.
Rick, you're taxing me.
Now are you going to get with the niece?
Look, he said he--
He said, and I quote,
"If you touch her, I will break every bone in your body."
He wrote that down. Oh...forbidden love.
This is so hot.
I got an exam to study for, Carl.
Will you please focus?
Rick, I ask you this as a friend,
will you take pictures?
We're going to drive straight through.
That's like three days. It's plenty of time.
We're not stopping.
You're with a girl.
Well, we're not. Yeah huh.
Nah-uh. Yeah huh.
We're not. When did you become such a wuss?
An additional 35 cents per mile on top of the rental fee.
Whaddya think, we're giving things away here?
Next!
Hi, Margery. That's a pretty name.
I have a reservation for McAllister.
Maxwell McAllister? Yeah.
I need a destination zip.
90212.
Miami to Los Angeles. Superb.
That will be $35.95 a day,
I'll give you five days to get there.
- Three. - What?
Three days. I'll be there in three days.
2,438 at 90 cents a mile, that'll be 2,235.
See, he gave me 300 bucks.
You want the truck for McAllister?
It's the last one left.
Can you put the difference on the card?
I can put the whole thing on the card.
Good, because that's what I really want.
Passenger door sticks, gauge is broken, you'll have to fill it up every 100 miles.
I was wondering if you guys had any... We're out.
Hello?
Michelle?
Is everyone decent?
Hey, you must be Rick.
Yeah.
I'm Michelle, these are my roommates.
Roommates, I'd like you to meet Rick. Hi, Rick.
We're having a little farewell party.
Nice, but we really have to get going.
Here. I made you something.
Thanks. What is it?
Drink it. It will relax you.
It's made from angel's tears.
It's delicious.
Rick, have a seat.
Okay, but we really gotta be going soon.
Okay.
I'm going to fall out of this chair.
Wait, is my wing on fire?
As manager of McAllister,
Morganstern and Raphael,
I'm looking for two things in a young lawyer:
his swing,
and his endgame.
Another hole-in-one. You should be my partner.
I don't know if you can afford me.
You know?
Your mom says go home.
Hey.
Is that it? Yeah.
Please tell me we're not taking that.
What? This?
Aww, this is Dorothy. Oh, hi, baby girl.
Say hi!
Hi. Oh, I love you.
We're going to have to drive all night.
You're mad, aren't you?
Look, I'm not exactly sure what happened last night,
but I have to be back in Miami in 92 hours
to take the Bar Exam.
My career-- my entire life
hangs in the balance.
We are driving 2514.5 miles.
Now, at an average of 50 miles per hour,
that's 50 hours and 14 minutes driving time.
We have contingency hours scheduled, for gas and emergencies,
but thanks to you and your friends,
some of those are gone now.
How about laughing, huh?
Do we have any time scheduled for laughing?
I just wanna know just so I don't miss it.
Where are you from?
Wichita, Kansas.
Does your family still live there?
Yeah.
We should stop by and say hi. It's totally on the way.
It's not even remotely on the way, so let's just concentrate on the trip.
I can see why my uncle picked you.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
You make a great babysitter.
I'll drive the next shift.
You're not on the insurance.
I'm driving straight through. Not possible.
And no drinks. I'm not stopping for you to go again.
So he gives me this look in the eye like he's gonna race me.
Like he's gonna take me in my Camaro.
He's got a Sunfire. What's that gonna do to me?
You know what I'm saying?
So I told him I...I said... I said..
Oh man.
You see her?
Gas and whatever she's got.
Well, what she got?
I dunno.
Well, y'all wanna buy a mug?
No. Are you sure?
You can hold a lot more than Coke in this.
You can hold crawdads, whatever you want. Yes, I'm sure.
They're real good mugs y'know, and you buy one of these you get
free refills on every Tuesday and Friday.
Heck, before you say no, I wanna let you know I've had my mug for five years.
So durable.
You made me wreck my mug.
We want the mug.
You want a mug? I want the mug.
Oh great. Well, you're real nice, lady.
Watcha doin' hanging out with this Clark Kent,
when you could be with a real Superman?
Just kidding you, boy!
My God, you see his eyes? Dang.
Could I have my mug?
Oh yeah, hold on. You want your change? Nah.
For the kids.
Here you go, sweetheart.
Fill 'er up. Thank you, my love.
You owe me for my mug.
That's $3.99.
And I'm giving this change to the kids.
Oh, Dorothy!
Nice try, Michelle.
So why Los Angeles? Why you going there?
I'm an actor.
Doesn't L.A. have enough waitresses?
No, they called while you were asleep and said they needed one more.
Oh, oh wait, doesn't Miami have enough copy boys?
I have to pee.
Okay, well, we got a stop planned in about two hours.
Uh-uh. I can't wait that long. I have to pee now.
Do the kegel thing.
What? I am poisoning myself.
Right now. This is very--
You know, forget it.
What are you doing? I gotta pee.
No, no, no, no! Uh-uh.
Time's up. Let's go!
Okay. Ugh. Ugh!
Is that it?
Yeah, I peed.
Close the door. Oh.
Come on, come on. No!
Hi, Margery, it's Rick.
The truck broke.
I think it's the engine.
I'm not really a car guy.
Call back if you get this.
I'm going this way.
I'll bet someone comes in like five minutes.
I doubt it.
You're not going to be here.
Then you'll have to tell my uncle you left me behind, won't you?
This is ridiculous.
These are the kind of woods men are raped in.
You okay?
Hello?
Yeah. Wait, is that the car lady?
It's Carl. Who's Carl?
He's my fat friend.
Hey buddy, I was just wondering if you wanted to come over and watch Family Ties.
Carl, I'm in the middle of the forest.
When are you going to be done?
I'm moving McAllister's niece, remember?
L.A.?
What? I thought I told you not to do that.
You talked me into it.
No, no, buddy, I wouldn't have told you that.
You said it was a good career move.
Now come on over here and have a grilled cheese.
I'm in a different state.
Carl, help!
Is that her?
Yeah. Yeah, what?
Is she hot?
I gotta go.
Okay, Rick, if she's hot, say you're tired.
If she's not, say it's hot outside.
Wait, wait, wait. Are you talking about me?
Wait, no no. If she's hot, say it's hot outside.
If she's not... I'm hanging up.
Did you give it to her?
What did he say?
He said hi.
Oh, this is so spooky.
Do you have to go all the way to L.A.?
Can't I drop you somewhere closer?
Like here?
Oh, look, civilization.
Maybe we should go back and hitch.
Shouldn't we try to get it fixed first?
What makes you think these people can fix anything?
Well, if they can't, then we'll go back and hitch.
Here.
What if we end up buried in the forest?
Oh, what are the chances of that?
Don't move or I'll kill you!
You like that?
Huh? Huh?
Tomek! You put down that knife right now!
Here, take the baby.
I said, put down the knife.
I was only kidding. I'm only gonna kid you-- git!
Git!
It's alright, baby. You're just in time for dinner.
Nice pig. Come on. Come on, bring the baby.
Watch out for my laundry. It's getting dry.
We got us an antenna over there.
Picks up all kinds of shows.
You know that I missed Days of Our Lives for a year-and-a-half?
Marlena was a-killin' everybody.
But then I found out it was all make-believe.
I can't tell you how relieved I was.
I feel like we're imposing.
Don't be ridiculous. Tomek can get your truck all fixed up nice and new
right after you've had a real good meal.
Oh, he's sorry. He was just saying how hungry he was.
Yes, you were.
Have some.
Oh, he likes you. Eat on up, clean your plate.
So, um, does your jacuzzi work?
Of course it does, honey. Why would we have a busted jacuz?
There ain't nothing like a good long soak after a good long meal.
Y'all got your suits?
Oh, I don't need mine. I don't have one.
I wear my skin suit.
Lord, I better go lock up the kids.
Kids! Get on over here!
We keep the tub real natural, none of that chlorine stuff.
Kills the skin, y'know.
You kids shut up in there!
This is alone time.
There is nothing on.
Mikey, be careful with that thing.
We are not changing the water if you cut yourself again.
I'm about this close, woman.
Mikey, look!
Lifetimes of the Rich and Famous.
Look at that!
There is a pool inside the house.
Honey, we are getting one of those when our ship comes in.
Them kids are awful quiet.
Rick, where are your clothes?
It's your turn to check on 'em.
Tomek! Hey, pop.
It's warm.
I fixed your truck.
Are you okay?
You look like dook.
They were really nice.
Nice nothing, they burned my clothes.
They have good taste.
Hey, you know, I could drive.
Nope.
Well, then why don't you just, like, pull over and take a break?
'Cause we don't have time.
What's this?
It's an energy drink.
Yeah?
What's in it?
Fruits, vegetables, vitamins.
Yeah?
Antioxidants, various colors.
Have some.
Maybe later.
Maybe now?
Maybe you should stop bothering me.
Maybe you should just drink some.
Here.
Mmm, tasty.
Rick! What is wrong with you?
Rick!
You gotta come see this!
Rick? Rick?
Somebody help.
Help!
I'm going to break every little bone in your body.
He's not breathing.
The ruffles are repressing his chakra.
Or maybe you should give him some mouth-to-mouth.
Grab his ankles.
Oh no, now his belt is stuck.
Does he have an inny or an outy?
Get the door!
Open it.
Why is He-Man the guardian of Castle Greyskull?
The architecture is clearly more suited to Skeletor.
It just-- it just doesn't make sense.
Stellar résum? kid.
What font is this?
Cyrillic bold?
Yeah. Thank you, sir.
I want to offer you a place here.
I want to start you off with a little more responsibility than most.
How's partner sound?
Sounds great, sir.
I'm gonna write down a number,
you tell me if you like what you see
and then I'll tell you if you like what I see.
Now clench those cheeks.
Come on!
Clench them tight.
Sir?
Squeeze them. Hard. One two, one two.
That's it.
Feel it in the butt.
Right in the glutes.
Take the glutes to the next level.
You need to feel it there.
When it's burning in the glutes, you're alive.
If you're not burning, you're not doing it right.
One two, one two.
Good. Excellent.
Excellent. Okay.
We're gonna move on to the calves after this.
Oh, it's cold.
Whoa! Wait! Wait!
Calm down! Calm down!
Everything's under control.
Why am I naked with another man?
Because he saved your life.
Yeah, that's right.
I saved your life, man.
Here, see for yourself.
You got knocked unconscious by the side of the road.
See, Orlie was hitchhiking
and he heard me screaming for help.
Who?
Orlie.
Short for Orlick.
Orlick Prescott Hope.
Pleased to meet you.
Anyways, we had to transport your body
to the nearest motel we could find to recuperate.
If you two will excuse me,
I gotta go return a favor to Mother Nature, again.
Okay, we gotta go now.
See, I kinda told him he could come with us.
We don't have time.
But he's on the way.
Look, I appreciate what he did.
We can give him a couple of bucks,
but he can't come with us.
Please? No.
Please? No, that's--
No, I don't.
Will you please--
How about now? Okay! Okay!
Yeah?
Okay. Promise.
Yeah.
Ah!
I know. Going on a road trip.
Say hi to your new friend.
I have a deep spiritual connection to pigs.
You'll love Rick.
Come on, little one.
Shotgun!
Rick, we are we?
In ancient times,
the gods looked down on humans,
jealous of their mortality.
Humankind strove to evoke pity through animal sacrifices.
The smoke of the flaming carcasses rose towards the heavens,
as a billowing plea for mercy.
Orlie. Orlie!
Get off!
Jeez.
As a token of goodwill,
I ask the gods to bless our journey this day,
and my two new friends,
that they may find whatever it is that they are looking for.
Amen.
So what, did you join a cult or invent your own.
I'm a shaman of the Native American church.
I'm sorry--
You don't look like any Indian I've ever seen.
Don't mind him.
Your spirituality is beautiful.
Rick just has this charming little way
of tearing down everything you hold dear.
He's just upset because he's chosen a life of moral bankruptcy
and a succession of loveless marriages.
Really? Yeah.
That's terrible.
You know what?
The fact is, that I've achieved everything
I've set out to do in my life.
That bothers people.
Who wants to play the alphabet game?
I do.
You guys go ahead.
Okay...A.
Ah, a tree.
Good one. Thank you.
Okay...B.
B.
Big sign.
Double high five.
Okay.
Okay...C.
C, c--
Oh, I know.
Can we get some food?
Yeah, that was a good one.
Can you get me a veggie burger and some fries.
Ooh, and a cherry caramel milkshake.
Thank you.
Wow, that sounds really delicious.
This is embarrassing,
but I'm a little short on cash.
I did save your life, man.
Fine.
Hundredfold, brother. Hundredfold.
Will you stop hitting me, please?
You know, you and Michelle make a great couple.
We're not dating.
Good, 'cause I think she's digging me.
Hey, let's see what kind of loot she's got.
No.
Don't hit people in restaurants!
Especially--
It's a toy, man! What's your problem?
Yeah, it's a toy.
Get over it.
You have exactly five seconds to apol--
Why would you even do that to a cute, little Mexican kid.
He's Japanese.
You can't just pick where you're from.
Okay, stop talking.
My dad's gonna kick your ass!
Dream on, kid.
Okay? He took you and he can take your padr?
Is that so?
No, it's--
Let's go then.
Scram, it's not your business.
He was pretty tough for a little guy, huh?
So, Orlie, where are you from?
My physical being hails from Boston.
And your spiritual?
I'm what they classify as a schismatic psyche.
In lay terms that's renegade soul.
No way.
Yeah.
See, what happened is,
when my original body died,
the spirit got all freaky
and crossed paths with someone else's.
Now they have my body and I have theirs.
Happens quite often actually.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Spent the last four years of my life looking for a 25-year-old Walapai
who doesn't really fit in with the native culture.
You're Indian.
That totally makes sense.
Native American.
I'm sorry.
Isn't that amazing?
Unbelievable.
What's your story?
You don't seem much of a lawyer.
That's what I've been saying.
You should take a personality test.
I'll bet you're yellow.
No, no, he's blue.
Give me your palm.
Wow, check out his lifeline.
What?
What's the point?
Well, it shows you where you've been and where you're going
and without that, you're nothing.
Like navel lint.
Nobody knows where that comes from.
It comes from clothes.
That's not the point.
It might. It does.
You know that for a fact?
Yeah. A hundred percent?
I'm pretty sure. A hundred percent?
Okay, not a hundred percent,
but 99.9--
See?
See what? You're not always right!
Here.
Make a wish.
Okay, I hate to beat this to death
because I hate complainers
and I understand that if we stop again,
the meal might once again be interrupted by strange circumstances,
but I for one am willing to take that chance.
Oh, please, Rick? Please?
But we're-- we can't stop!
You owe me a Reuben!
Please, please. I feel bad, I do,
but we're--
What's he doing?
Orlie!
You're killing him!
Orlie! He's gonna die!
We're not stopping!
Every minute we spend here
is a minute not spent on the road.
Rick, that is a spiffy watch you got there.
Can I see it for a minute?
I'll get a better one when your uncle gives me a job.
Oops.
She put it in her boobs.
Shelly says you live on the way.
Are we stopping?
No.
Can you please wipe that off and give it back?
I'll give it back to you when you don't need it anymore.
You visit often?
Not lately.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Huh! No.
He's keeping himself available
for McAllister, Morganstern and Raphael.
What about her?
She's working.
You could totally date her.
She probably thinks I'm with Michelle.
Taken care of.
I dare you.
I double dog dare you to go talk to her.
Fine.
Watch this.
Hello-- Ahem. Hello.
I'm not with her, I'm single, alone.
I just wanted to say hi, that's all.
Oh...well, hi.
Hello.
You know, I have to go tinkle.
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna go
look for some stuff.
# I called out your name #
# In a mystic dream last night #
Don't force it. Just relax.
Here.
Want a scrub down?
No, thanks.
Can I get a small favor?
I'm-- I'm a little favored out right now.
Shelly's right, you are a "no" person.
Okay, what is it?
Can't reach it.
Rubs real hard.
Maybe you should get Michelle to do that.
No way!
Have you ever had a bimple?
A what?
A back pimple.
Or a butt pimple.
I already taken care of those this morning.
Yeah, I have, but--
Well, girls don't get them.
She'd think it's gross.
It is gross.
I don't know what to do.
I can't function anymore.
It's all I think about.
I can't fit my pack on right.
They go away.
Release me!
Please do it.
Please. I'm not ready.
Come on, do it! Just do it.
I can't.
Just poke the bimple.
It's gross.
Give him hell.
Look, one fell swoop.
Okay? Gone and finished.
I'm ready.
Do it.
My brother!
I feel warm.
Wait, where's Orlie?
He wanted to stay here.
You know, I wish I would have been able to say at least good-bye.
Yeah, well, he told me that I should tell you good-bye
for him because he was going to take a long time.
He was in a hurry.
You left him, didn't you?
Yeah, I did.
Between the retainer and the bacne,
I just couldn't take it anymore.
You could have asked me.
You said he could go!
I didn't have much of a choice.
Oh my-- you are so selfish.
Me?
Oh ho ho ho ho.
Oh, whatever!
You're crazy!
I'm crazy not talking to you anymore.
Really?
Serious?
Well, finally!
# She's such a lovely sunny day #
# She makes you happy you've had the rage #
# Condensation really pays #
# When she makes you feel this way #
Can she please eat something else?
# Like the blue sky #
Good girl, Dorothy.
Yeah, keep eating.
Go ahead.
Whoa! Can we stop the truck?
I can't-- I can't do that.
Aw, Rick! It's the ocean!
Can we please just pull over?
No.
Pull over!
Come on!
Get back in the truck.
Come on!
I want to show you something.
I'll wait here.
No!
You are harboring negative energy
and it's spilling on to me
and I don't want any!
Come on! Please!
I'm not playing your games. No!
Okay, so just look at the ocean.
Now breathe.
Slowly!
Clear your mind.
Just concentrate on your breathing.
Okay, in...out.
In with the good,
out with the bad.
Oh!
Please don't answer that!
Hey, Carl.
Come on, let me talk to him.
You have a minus-two penalty to your hit roll
because you're blind right now, think!
Hey, Rick, I haven't seen you in a while.
Are you sick?
What's the deal?
Carl, I'm on the road. Come on!
I'm moving McAllister.
Oh yeah.
Hey, is she there?
Yeah.
Oh, wait, come on, he wants to talk to me.
Stop it.
Listen, Bombadil,
I'm the dungeon master.
You can either roll again
or I can dock you a thousand experience points
for not playing in character.
Carl! Carl! Thanks.
Carl, I need you to change my flight.
Get me on the last one out of L.A. on Monday, okay?
Okay, sure.
Come on! Come on!
Will you shut up! Come on.
I think we're done for the day.
Carl?
I am so sorry.
Oh!
I'm so sorry.
It was an accident, honest.
I just want you to enjoy yourself
for at least one minute.
I enjoyed that.
Good?
Nope.
How long does it take you, girl?
Oh, shut up!
How about now?
No.
Now? No.
Are you done?
Yes.
Aw, you've been driving all day.
Aren't you tired?
Yes.
Well, then, why can't I drive?
Because-- I know how to drive a stick.
I-I believe you.
You know what? If I died, it's your fault, I'm going to be really upset.
Uncle Max is going to be devastated.
Mr. McAllister is going to freak out.
I know. Please.
Okay look, let me make you a deal. Just listen, okay. Hear me out.
How about we switch off, we never have to stop, and we just keep driving?
Please, please, please, please! I...okay.
What?
Okay. Really?
Yeah. Oh! Alright. Come on.
Putting my life in my hands. Oh, shhh!
Get it? You got it? Yeah.
Okay. I got it.
Are you good? Yeah, I'm so good. Whoo!
This is nice. Yeah, really.
I think I'll take a nap. Okay.
What? Nothing.
You're just... go to sleep!
Your mommy says go home.
Hi, Richie.
Richie, hi.
What a surprise!
Mom?
Okay, I know you wouldn't have done this for yourself,
so, I looked at your driver's license and I drove all night and, you're home!
Now listen, you two just get right in the house and get warm.
I'm going to make you the best waffles in the world.
I can't believe you did this! We should be in Arizona by now.
Okay. Can't we just say hi? Please?
We're already here, and she's making waffles.
We can't just leave.
Okay.
There's something you should know about my dad.
He's different.
He's weird.
What's your name, son?
Mrs. Robinson?
All right,
so, how do we do this?
I like a lot of strawberries.
And syrup.
And butter.
So how long have you had super powers?
Who told you I have super powers?
Oh, I have 'em, too.
How long has that been going on?
Well, I've been able to fly for about...
six-and-a-half years now.
Flying's good.
Yeah.
Butter? Yes, please.
Would you like me to warm this up for you?
Oh, yes, please.
These waffles are unbelievable.
Thank you. it's my pleasure.
Do you think I could take a picture with you, Mr. Robinson?
I guess so.
Visible or invisible?
Invisible.
Can you wait just a minute? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, no you don't!
Now you stop that. You stop that, right now!
What have I said? Get your-- Will you stop it?
You can't see me! I'm invisible! Stop it! Right now!
You can't see me! Stop it, William.
Can't see me! Yes I can.
William, William, listen to me. You are not invisible.
Mom.
Rick.
Hi, Dad.
What are you doing here?
We're having breakfast.
Well, leave me alone. Leave me alone.
Oh honey, just go wait downstairs, please.
He doesn't want you to see him like this.
It's okay. Shhh.....
How ya doing?
Let's just go, okay?
He's okay now, he's sleeping.
He's really glad you came, Richie.
I'm really sorry. Honestly, I didn't know.
Oh, he'll be fine. Don't you worry.
You're welcome anytime.
Are you coming for Christmas?
I don't know if I can yet.
Oh honey, I'd much rather you come and see us than send checks.
We're not going to starve, you know.
I know, Mom.
Well, I told your father you would come back, so...
Could you please come back for Christmas?
Okay. Okay.
Oh great. I'll be back for Christmas.
Was he always like this?
No.
He used to be really cool.
But when I was about 15, he lost his job,
and his mind,
and most of our money.
It's a real treat bringing friends home.
Especially when he decided to be invisible.
Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, my father actually was invisible.
He left when I was young, and mom didn't really cope with it well, so...
I went to live with my uncle when I was thirteen.
I'm sorry.
It's all right, don't be.
I turned out okay, didn't I?
Oh, thanks.
What?
Uh, nothing.
Put your glasses on. You're making me nervous.
My eyes are tired.
You know, I could always drive.
Yeah, I don't think so.
After what happened last time, we'd probably end up in Alaska.
I did mention the gas gauge was broken, didn't I?
Yes. Didn't I?
Yes, yes you did.
And I accept the consequences for it. Consequences?
What would those be?
My ass is on the line, not yours!
Whoa, whoa. Rick. Rick!
You ruined my life!
That was rude, wasn't it?
Okay. Okay. You know what we're going to do?
We are going to pretend this didn't happen
and that we're just taking a little break, okay?
Okay.
And, I apologize.
Oh, you gotta be kidding.
Save Dorothy!
I can't believe this is happening to me.
You do realize I have to be on a plane in 24 hours.
Can't you take the bar another time?
I'll lose my job.
I was valedictorian. Top of my class in law school. Straight A's.
All the way through.
I can't mess up now. Not even this once.
Do you really care about this job that much?
It's everything I've worked for.
It's everything I've ever wanted.
Everything?
Yeah.
Okay, then.
Okay. If this job means that much to you,
then I promise I will do everything in my power to get us there.
We're going to make it.
All right? We're going to make it.
Just as soon as someone comes along.
Hey guys!
Orlie!
I told you.
Okay. Come on.
Thanks a lot. You're good to go.
No, d-d-don't wake him up.
Don't wake him up. Sorry.
So, what's your ex-boyfriend do?
He used to be a fireman.
Well, that's interesting.
Wow.
Well, there's not as many fires as you think.
So, why are you scared of girls?
I'm not.
You can't talk to them.
I'm talking to you.
Well, that's a little different. How?
Okay, let's practice.
Pretend I'm this beautiful,
very beautiful woman.
And we're on a train, and it's cold,
so I have to sit very close to you.
Okay? Okay.
Hello.
Hi, do you want to go out with me?
Yeah, okay,
or you could just introduce yourself first.
Okay. Okay.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Rick.
Hello, Rick.
What do you do?
I'm a law intern.
Yeah, okay, when you meet someone,
you want to put your best foot forward.
Okay? So, say...
Say you're taking the bar exam in 20 hours,
and you have this amazing job lined up
with the best law firm in Miami. All right?
All right.
So, Rick,
where do you live?
Miami, Florida, USA.
Oh! Oh, Miami, I love Miami!
Oh, the beach, the ocean, the sand...
oh, the water, oh...
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
Wow, yikes. Skin walkers are coming.
I liked how you were with my dad.
Yeah?
Well, actors have a lot in common with the mentally ill.
Well, I'm glad you're here.
I think we're gonna make it.
I gotta call Carl.
Oh, good, because I really need to tinkle.
Don't force it.
...and all I see around me are the stars,
I'm naked, and, uh,
I speak Portuguese for some reason.
Why Portuguese?
Well, because it's a beautiful language. Hello?
Carl, it's Rick!
Who? Rick.
Rick who? Copy room Rick.
Hey, Rick.
Oh, I booked you on the 7:30 out of LAX.
It's the last one if you want to make the Bar.
Great, we'll still have a couple hours to spare.
Hey, how's the studying going?
Pretty good, pretty good.
Could we get some more eel sauce? Sure.
Thank you. You want to go get that right now?
Carl, you need to think about the future.
In the immortal words of He-Man,
"There is magic all around us, if we stop to see it."
Or was that Lion-O from the Thundercats?
Uh, I have to go, Rick.
I'm... I'm entertaining someone.
Okay, come on, let's go.
In a minute.
Dance with me.
What?
Dance with me.
Really? What about the Bar exam?
What about your dream job? What, did you forget?
Five minutes. One dance.
Live a little.
What would Uncle Max say?
I really don't care what Uncle Max would say right now.
Oh...Oh!
# This night belongs to you and me #
# You can only be what matters #
# Because you're seeing all I need #
# Your kiss was all that mattered #
# It would take the world to bring me down #
# The whole world to down #
# It would take the world #
# To bring me down #
That ain't yours!
That happens.
Hey, what's happening--
You know, you're actually a really good dancer.
Thank you.
Skin walkers are coming.
Oh, my God. Orlie!
Locke, don't open the hatch!
Orlie, are you okay?
Orlie. Yeah, I'm okay.
Rick, what are you doing?
Waiting for a semi to come finish me off.
No, we can't just give up.
The truck's gone! Wow.
Yeah, but so is Dorothy.
Well, at least they didn't take my stuff.
Y'all okay?
Lost my truck.
Left it right here.
What do you drive?
A Paradise.
Paradise, I'm sorry--
I'm sorry for that.
Earl, who'd steal a damn Paradise truck?
Oh...
Oh, you think the Lady's got it?
Maybe.
Now, when you guys see the Lady,
you've got to be respectful.
Is she someone important?
Yeah, if'n you want to get your truck back.
So, she knows where it is?
The Lady knows everything. Yup.
Lady knowed everything.
You'll get your truck back,
or...
It's that big door over there.
Now, ya'll ask for the Lady,
all right? Okay.
Well, get out!
Come on, now!
Thank you. Get going.
All right, remember,
don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
There's no one here.
Me and my friends want to see the Lady!
No, no, just wait a minute.
Hi.
We're here to see the Lady.
Yeah.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Come on, show a little backbone, will you?
You.
Yeah?
What's the capital of Kentucky?
Lexington.
Frankfort.
Louisville?
Frankfort.
Knowledge.
You know what I'm saying?
Now, I really don't cotton much to strangers
just dropping by uninvited in my little establishment here,
so, you'd better have a very good reason.
Someone stole our truck.
I don't see anybody talking to you, skirt.
Yeah, but I-- Someone stole our truck.
Mmm, you think I took it.
No, I-- I mean, never.
But supposin' I did,
I wonder what could possibly be in it for me.
Oh, well...I've got, like, 34 bucks in change.
And you can have him.
Or, you two boys could work it off.
I've been just itching...
to smell myself some new blood.
Hey, Vincent!
Tell the boys we gonna have ourselves...
a show!
I'm sorry, sir, w-when you say "blood,"
what do you mean?
Hey, you ever see that movie?
It's called,
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
Only, like, 17 times.
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.
# Where are all the real men now #
# One who leads the pack? #
# Someone when the smoke has cleared #
# He's ready to attack #
# It's hard to be a wrestler #
# There's gonna be disaster #
# Because we need a great defender #
# That will fight you till the end #
# Looking for the champion #
# A hero that's going right to the top #
# He's got to be willing, he's got to be bold #
# No one can touch him, It's for the gold #
# Looking for the champion #
# A man made of armor, a knight made of steel #
# He's got to be heavy, he's got to be real #
Let's not do this!
It's our destiny.
You boys put on a good show, now,
because I'm going to be thinking real hard
about what happened to that there truck of yours.
I won't fail you.
Listen up!
Last man standing... wins!
So we can hit below the belt, right?
Hey, Vincent,
give me 500 bucks down on this here red boy.
What about biting?
And gouging? Can we gouge?
Okay, Orlie, we just got to sell it.
Make it look good.
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Go, Red, go!
Whoa!
Argh!
Green! Green! Green!
Ohh!
Get him!
Ahhh!
Hey, Rick, are you okay?
Rick?
Aw, he'll be fine.
What about the truck and the pig?
Mmm...well.
Now, that would be sort of unfortunate-like, because--
You don't understand.
We've got to get that truck back.
No. You don't understand.
Look, in the past three days,
I've been drugged by Bohemians,
stuck in a filthy Jacuzzi with a couple hillbilly swingers,
woke up naked in a motel next to him,
and then was forced by a man who calls himself the Lady
to fight in a cage like an animal.
You put on one good show,
and I even made a couple of bucks off Little Red there,
so, makes me feel all warm and generous-like inside.
You earned it.
But you little ones, you be real careful, okay?
All right, man, you did it!
We're back on the road!
Om...
# 27 bottles of root beer on the wall #
# Take one down, you pass it around #
# 27 bottles of beer on the wall #
Ah! # 26 bottles of beer on the wall... #
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop the truck!
This is it.
Somewhere over there,
I'm going to find the place where my body is waiting...
waiting for its true owner.
Congratulations.
Take care, brother.
Thanks, Orlie.
Sorry about leaving you.
The whole bimple thing threw me off a little.
No worries, friend.
Here.
Take this.
I won't need this anymore.
Thanks.
Oh, you be careful.
Don't worry about me.
You two just keep up the good work.
Until we meet again.
Well, just think,
in a few hours, this'll be all over.
Finally.
Can't you just pretend you're going to miss me
for one minute?
I could, but I'm really tired right now.
Seriously.
I mean, do you think we'll see each other again?
Honestly...
I don't know.
Well, you don't fail to spoil a moment, do you?
Well, what do you expect? I mean,
we're both going to go our separate ways.
You're going to go to Hollywood to become a big actress.
And I'm going to be a money-hungry lawyer.
It's very simple.
Really, what's changed?
Nothing, I guess.
Maybe you should get some sleep.
You made it.
You're late.
Well, we hit a few snags, sir.
Can you open up the crate for me?
Y-- Yeah.
There's a surprise for you in there,
a token of my appreciation.
Go on.
You're-- You're looking for something...
quite small.
I thought you might like it back.
I called you a cab.
You can leave the truck here.
# At least, come join me #
# Within the belly of the big blue sea #
# Set a sail, catch a breeze #
# Come on, don't forget to fill your suitcase #
# Now watch it sink #
# Because where we're going we don't need a thing #
# Not a map, or a receipt #
# Because where we've been is who we used to be #
# We started wrapping our regrets in cloth #
# Are you defined by all the things you want #
# Or did you get caught up in the things that we are not? #
Airport? All right.
Thanks.
# You were born to believe #
# You can't get lost #
# So when you'd run, you'd always get too far #
# Now there's nothing you haven't seen #
# But where we're headed we have never been #
# Past the pavement that we used to walk #
# Past the people that we used to know #
# Oh, come on, go #
# Past the people that have broke our hearts #
# We started laughing at them from afar #
# But now we climbed too high without a rope #
# Come on, go #
# No, we are not swans #
# Nor are we as ugly #
# As we think we are #
# We don't care for compliments but please don't stop #
# No, come on #
# Come on #
# We are not swans #
# We fit into each other #
# We are Russian dolls #
# Where somewhere in the center sits a beating heart #
# But come on, come on #
# We are not swans #
Where's Michelle?
What, did you change your mind?
No, but I have something I need to do right now.
And I love Michelle.
You love my niece?
She's on the beach.
Wait.
You take good care of her,
because I can still break every bone in your body.
And we're opening an L.A. office.
Go.
# Now do you feel we've gone too far? #
# Or do you fear we reached the top? #
# Or do you feel like letting go? #
# Well, come on, hold on #
# We are not swans #
# Nor are we as ugly... #
Hey, Michelle!
Ugh!
What, you can't say good-bye? Ow! Ah!
I thought you liked me.
I do!
In fact, I--
I think I love you.
Okay, then.
# We have got each other, I'd say that's enough #
# So come on, come on #
# Come on #
# Mm, mm #
# Oh, oh #
# Ooh, you said you don't #
# Put out your heart just for me #
# Yeah, you did, you know #
# Remember? Oh, yeah #
# Finding out what could have been #
# Is it just for free? #
# When suddenly, it's in front of me #
# It's all I need, you see #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Oh, my Lord #
# I can't believe #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Woman #
# Oh, oh #
# Mm, mm #
# Ooh, you know #
# I've never been like this girl before #
Rick, this is Carl.
I just wanted to leave you a message.
Your phone's not working, for one.
And second...
these questions were harder than I thought they would be.
But I saved you a seat in case you arrive late.
I mean, I don't know if that does you any good,
but uh...I just want to tell you
what a good friend you've been, Rick.
I'm gonna call you back.
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Woman #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Oh, oh, oh, it's true #
# Yeah, it's true #
# Yeah, you did what you do to me #
# Yeah, you do #
# Woman #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Oh, woman, I can't believe #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# No, no, no #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Woman #
# I can't believe my eyes #
# Yeah #
# Mm, mm #
# Oh, oh #
# Ooh, you said you don't #
# Put out your heart just for me #
# Yeah, you did, you know #
# Remember? Oh, yeah #